My Story

Stuck in desolation

Surrounded by darkness with no way out

Sadness transforms into aggravation

All I want to do is shout!

Then a light shined down

Consuming the darkness, guiding me out

I opened my eyes and looked around

No longer blind, feeling paramount

He lifted me up from my grave

Reawakened the life inside of me

Washed away my sins and shame

Saved by he who is holy

My Savior, Jesus Christ

So this is my story, I was lost and alone, depressed and angry, suicidal and violent, and then I found God and he saved me. I was a pagan for 8 years, and yeah it was fun when i was younger, but as i became older i realized i was empty. There was a void deep inside of me, and no matter what i tried it could never be filled. When i became saved i was kneeling down at the alter and all of a sudden i felt completely empty, but it only lasted for a few seconds. Then all of a sudden i was filled, that void was filled. Suicide was no longer on my mind, the deep anger disappeared, my immense depression gone, and happiness entered me. Noe i do get sad and angry sometimes but NEVER like i used to.

God saved me.. I used to not believe, used to laugh at Christians, because so many Christians hurt me deeply. Now i understand that yeah, there is hypocrites but not everyone is, and we all make mistakes no one is perfect.

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Gods Voice

So, I am a skeptic when it comes to people saying God talks to them audibly. God's primary method of communication with His children is through His word, the Bible. He also speaks to us through other people, and through the Holy Spirit in His leading.

When people say God has talked to them, my mind goes to those who have also said God has spoken to them.

Examples:

Andrea Yates in 2001 drowned her kids in the bath tube.

In 2009 a man raped and murdered a lesbian couple.

Deanna Laney bashed her kids head in with a rock.

In 2006 a man stabbed his 16 year old daughter.

Now all these cases have one thing in common, God "spoke" to this people, and they claimed innocent to their crimes because "God told them it was okay, God told them to do it."

Crazy, right? With that said let us move on to a Bible verse.

In 1 Kings 19 when he said the Lord was not in the strong wind or the earthquake or the fire, but a still small voice. God did not speak audibly to Elijah, but through impressions, thoughts and feelings. These ways seem to be His preferred method of communicating with us.

Now sometimes our feelings can lead us in the wrong direction. But guess what? In most cases people's deep desire to hear from God make them firmly believe they have heard from God. Just because someone truly honestly swear it on the Bible has heard from God does NOT make it true. If God talked to one person, and not another then he would be going against his own word. In God's eyes we are all equal, and if that is true we would all be hearing God and having "conversations" with him. Also the Bible warns us against false prophets as well.

Bible verse about being equal:

Galatians 3:28

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Bible verse about false prophets:

Matthew 7:15

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

So this is just my opinion. I believe God guides us, but he does not audibly speak to us, he gives us nudges in the right direction. All you need is your Bible, and God will shoe you the right way through it. In my opinion, those who hear God audibly and have "conversations" with him, are a little on the crazy side, not trying to judge no one, just talking facts and truth.

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Let the old you go..

Change is inevitable, its going to happen, whether we can accept it or not.

And sometimes whether we want to believe it, we do indeed need to change. The thought of change brings different emotions for different people. Some are scared, some are angry, some are stubborn, or depressed. Personally, when someone tells me

"You need to change ________, or this relationship can not grow."

It pisses me off, I become stubborn and tell them

"No one will ever change me, accept me for me or leave!"

Now some may be cheering me for this retaliation, but its not commendable. Changing to make others happy is in fact wrong, in some cases. But if you really love someone, and something about you makes them sad, why not change it? Because more then likely its not only going to benefit them but you and the relationship too.

For examples of right and wrong changes (in my opinion):

Changing a habit like smoking, drugs, alcohol, or any other harmful addictions is a beneficial change.

Taking out a piercing, removing/covering up a tattoo, changing hair color, getting a tan, loosing weight just to make another happy is, bluntly, stupid.

So what I am trying to say is, changing bad habits is good. Changing appearances to make them happy, not so good.

But its all a double standard, like if your a big girl like me, don't be trying to get in a size 5 when you are a size 18. Not only are you making yourself look bad, but also those with you.

Embrace change, let the old you go so you can bring life to the new you! Changes is all a new exciting journey waiting for you to make the steps to embark on the road of change!

But like always, this is all just my opinion.

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Legalistic

I just wanted to share my thoughts on the legalistic Christian. So to break it down, a legalistic Christian is someone who feel as though they can not live up to the expectations of God.

To make an example, a woman with 2 children told her preacher that she feels as though God was disappointed with her. Because she was not doing anything for him. She told the preacher she felt called to volunteer at a shelter, but was having trouble leaving her kids in someone else's care.

The call was not from God but from her own ingrained legalism. Being just a good mother was not good enough for her and also in her mind it was not good enough for God.

If we as humans view God as a fearful being whom we must constantly please, our religion will have no substance, it'll be noncommittal, and our lives will be dominated by fear of God.

We can not live our lives fearing God,  it is just ridiculous! There's a saying, that is meant as a compliment that goes "She's a God fearing woman."

This is not a compliment! We should not fear God, who should love God! All are called to accept the gift of His grace, for acceptance means simply to turn to God.

I would like to say, that i am not saying this is how it is and if you do not believe what i am saying you are doomed to hell, it is just my opinion and how i believe. We are all created unique, and that's a wonderful thing, embrace it.

Information formed from the book: Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning.

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